on the contrary, let us never cease to refer to this franchise as the ‘tics.

Congrats to all the top picks. You’re going to a really boring city.

“With the second overall pick, the Sacramento Kings select ... Goro!”

Don’t worry. We will trade our second pick for two 3rd round picks, a 7 footer, and one Eastern European guy in the D-League.

I feel like the Kings will take a flyer on the 4-armed phenom out of Chernobyl H.S.

2021, damn

Whereas if I got unintentionally Snoop-Dog-Level high before appearing at a televised roast, my whole set would be me crying and asking ‘AM I UNHINGED FROM TIME? IS THIS NOW? WHEN IS LATER? STOP LOOKING AT ME!”

Thanksgiving game saves them.

Yeah, as an apparent Bay Area native, I find this response baffling. Flip-flops are fine anywhere other than your sister’s wedding. Or the Tenderloin.

flip flops in a big city (e.g. New York) is a mistake unless you are carrying them in a bag to put on when you get to a park, beach, etc. After 30 minutes of walking around in them, your feet will most certainly harbor the hantavirus (or some such thing).

What is the worst minor annoyance?

Okay, first of all, fuck the Vikings! Drew is dead, I am your captain now, and I say you will root for the Raiders.

The real Process was the souls it destroyed along the way.

Forgot the /s

I hate Harden and Paul’s particular brand of ball, so I’d be glad to see them get swept.

I watched Cavs/Celts game one and I think Lebron might have been having similar thoughts...

Great piece and agree wholeheartedly. I just wanted to give a shout out to these two marvelous lines. 😘👌

The Warriors plan B offensive strategy is playing Rockets ball better than the Rockets can.

The possibility that the Cavs could win, and perform perhaps the greatest post-season feat the NBA has ever seen.

standing around like fucking idiots while their Designated Ball User dribbles a Morse Code War and Peace into the hardwood in 22-second chapters.