You would think it would be cheaper to pay for some slut pills than a pregnancy.

Is it hard to get a suntan? You know living in your wife's shadow? IS AN AMAZING BURN

I lost it at the gum. "That was my last piece."

Do you think too many people focus on your looks and not that you're a shitty actor?

9, actually. They forgot to count Bruce.

I gotta be honest, so far, the "save the Africans" bit was the only one of hers I really liked. The Weekend Update bit just wasn't funny.

Colin Jost is on the show so, you tell me.

*whispers* "Ask for more than 39 cents!" I loled at that one several times.

The Ayoade Murray partnership is ace and I could watch it forever. And Britney made me laugh like fuck. Thanks Brit Brit. So many people do that and think it's good.

Noel Fielding in The IT Crowd was pure gold. I love him for playing Richmond so much.

More importantly, the video also features my two husbands, Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding

Wait wait wait woah

Celebrity Edition!

"'How could I have married someone who's so bad with money?' 'Why did I marry someone who I can't rely on to attend family functions with me?' 'What possessed me to marry someone who is a habitual nose-picker?!?'"

And a fetus was once an egg and sperm, of which millions are destroyed everyday by masturbation and menstruation.

How would they like an image of a dead, bloodied woman and a twisted coathanger on the floor next to that one, with the phrase, "When abortion was not safe, legal and accessible, women died. Save women's lives - protect choice."

I like this guy in one of my lectures and he's really tall and cute and I have a lot of fun talking to him. So I added him on Facebook, because I wanted to start getting to know him outside of class. And I found out that he's really Christian. Like Bible-quoting, youth-group-attending Christian. And I was definitely a…

"Wait, wait don't tell me" is my very favorite. It's news and pop culture and a trivia game and makes me laugh like a crazy person on Monday mornings on the way to school.

I am officially addicted to "Stuff You Should Know." Engaging and informative, all around 40-60 minutes which I think is perfect. Over a wide variety of topics- from bipolar disorder to the debt ceiling to pet psychics. Great information and the two hosts are clearly two smart guys who like talking to each other and…

I read that as "chimp diet". And spent way too much time wondering what evolutionary buffoonery brought chickens and chimpanzees together in the foodchain.