"Who would ever design a system in which a slipped disc could result in priapism and unending orgasms."

I also carry my library card in my wallet. And my Starbucks card. And my REI member card. And my frequent customer cards for sandwich places. And pretty much everything other than my social security card. Do people have a pile of these cards in drawers somewhere? It seems like a lot of people fail at adulting.

god i will always see black leather gloves and assume they are murder gloves. THANKS OJ/EVERY MURDERER ON TV!!!!

Final Exam

She basically majored in three different flavors of the same discipline. My guess would be that 75% of her classes overlapped.

Am I a bad person because I laughed like hell at this one? I mean, just at the idea that they made them sit on newspapers while watching lesbian porn, not at the fact that they used dyke as an insult and threw them out. I mean, it's awful, of course.

Under Kira's supervision, according to the source, pledges in the incoming class were called names, berated for their perceived physical flaws and imperfections, and made to perform physical tasks to the point of bruising and exhaustion.

A recent graduate who attended Hofstra at the same time as Kazantsev told Jezebel that the final two steps of pledging in one (unnamed) sorority involved making all of the pledges remove their underwear and sit on newspapers while the older members forced them to watch lesbian porn. Anyone whose newspaper stuck to…

I still eat cereal. at 11pm, while watching the Daily Show.

this guy suddenly bursts into the room, dramatically waltzes up to us, and demands to know if we'd "seen his assistant."

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

Karen Milton:

Jennifer Lopez has been offered a lube sponsorship. Not quite sure what a lube sponsorship is

if you're into history and like walking around maybe Boston? It's actually not a huge city so it's pretty easy to get from one place to the next

We painted the nursery this week. And I got a new car. And the in-laws made us dinner tonight and gave us tons of cute toys and baby clothes. And my football teams won. And I finally got the puppy to fetch consistently. And I didn't pee my pants when the baby kicked my bladder. And it was a good week.

This is my 18th year of teaching and I'm going to drop a good one on you. Buy a gift card for a fancy massage or facial or mani/ pedi or something and put it in your drawer. Then, sometime during the last 6 weeks of school, this will be the best thing EVER. Bonus if you can save a "sick day"/ personal leave day and…

So I'm starting my last year of school and want to take some sort of trip after graduation. I figure this will probably be the last time I have significant free time to do something like this for a while.

Right? That right there is the universe's way of waving the biggest, reddest flag it can. LISTEN TO THE UNIVERSE.

She did not jump in the water. That means she does not want the ring or the fella.