Dick, thank you so much for writing this. It brought me to tears. I am struggling - both with willpower and just things working how I expect them to when I am doing well. I experienced severe depression, gained a little weight from not moving around much, then had some mysterious digestive problems that plagued me for…

It's not that "people don't want to hear" that it was easy for you to lose weight. They may be envious, but your journey to weight loss is totally valid, easy though it was. What people don't want to hear is "It was easy for me to lose weight, so you must be lying if you say it's hard for you." People are all…

Only an approved color. If you know what I mean.

I'm sorry but you're wearing the wrong shade of pearls, I'm going to need you to go home and change ASAP.

I...what? What can be a great conversation starter?

"And fuck you Tropicana Cabana, nobody likes you."

IT IS EASIER TO TALK TO NEW PEOPLE WHEN YOU ARE FEELING CONFIDENT

No "kinky" hair, hm? Color me not surprised.

I think we're almost done. I'm having very well-groomed nightmares

I think Spratt actually saw Mary & Tony leaving the hotel in Liverpool. He was there for a wedding.

Yeah. Mine was on alert after the first paragraph, but "filthy beast" definitely stuck out. And then this: "I put the phone down and went to the bathroom to freshen up." Said no straight man ever.

Super paranoid about being followed, but couldn't lose the PI actually following and proceeded to cheat like mad anyway. Ratting on each other mid-cheat to throw the other lying slut under the bus first (women, amiright?). The amazing leet hacker skills of Zero Cool our tragic hero. Immediately turning around and…

"It's was like I was speaking to toddlers."

From part 3:

So I totally thought that the wife and SIL were having a lesbian affair with each other and I kept waiting for that reveal as I read through this. Then I realized that they were each cheating with someone else, not together, and well...the story got infinitely more "normal" and boring. lol.

Who cares about what Jennifer Aniston thinks about Angelina Jolie?

So let me get this straight, Jennifer Aniston called Angelina Jolie an old leather shoe?

The entitlement in telling another woman what to do with her eyebrows. I just — not to be obnoxious about it, but this is how women enact and enforce the patriarchy on one another.

What I heard: The most important thing to learn in college is conformity. It is not the time to experiment with ideas and finding your style! If you want to advance to the basic bitch big leagues when you graduate now is them time to stop thinking and start bronzing.