true story: I was once young and “punk as hell” and played in a band that now I would consider a “post-punk hardcore-punk” band. AFI was my GOD. I got to open for them at a show in LA, where I’m from, and that night was and will forever be the peak of my existence. I’ve gotten married since then, and I love my wife…

Reads “our hear” and then realizes how good that is.

+1 Quack

But now that I think about it, I’d totally believe it.

I released the most poorly timed and incredibly loud fart ever while in a showing of American Sniper. Right after he shoots someone (maybe the child?), there are about 10 seconds of total silence. I purposely pushed hard initially, hoping my friend next to me would hear it over the movie noise. I let rip as he pulled…

Yeah, not sinking a half court shot is super embarrassing.

I am not a crier. I cried happy tears at my wedding, and haven’t really cried before or since. And then I really cried when Craig Sager passed away. His joie de vivre was so contagious that I don’t know if I’m now crying happy or sad tears.

The alcoholic Erdinger is better. Don’t even need to try the other one to know that.

That is an excellent default answer to anything.

Tasteless joke time:

As someone who has read about the couch burning parties, how the hell do you remember?

I’m continually filled with civic pride by the fact that she is one of my Senators, and that Ted Lieu is my Congressman. My other Senator does not give me the same fuzzy feelings, but all in all, I’m pretty happy with my representation right now. I would love love to see Kamala run in 4 or 8 years.

You are playing a risky game my friend. 5 more minutes of thinking about it, and you’re gonna open the box. Just burn it and walk away.

As a Californian, my first thought when I read that was “Hey! What the fuck...” and then I thought about the current political climate and what the hell is going on and I thought to myself “Fuck. Nice.”

Its like if your father hands you a box labeled “Nudes of Mom”. I know to not open that box. I don’t need anybody to tell me to not open that box.

We might be able to swing a direct trade for some 3rd world country dictator and end up walking away with an even cheaper buy-out on the new guy.

As bed as dry counties are, it appears as though Georgia still hasn’t connected to the internet.

Ahhh... If I look at it as onion stewed in a creamy tomato sauce, I might be able to get behind this.

Wow. That recipe sounds wildly average, at best. I’m blown away that it is a “thing”.

Ted is my rep!