Yeah, and the amazing thing was, it was entirely her idea. We had stayed in touch with her after our first son’s birth, and she knew we were trying to adopt again. After that match I mentioned above failed, my wife called to tell her about it, and after they talked for a while, she just goes, “Have you guys ever…

Inferior Baron Harkonnen cosplayer Roger Ailes...

Please tell me I’m not the only one who loves her Allstate commercial!?

I got sent on an audition maybe 14 years ago for an ‘80s-style jukebox musical. (I can’t/don’t sing; my agent knew this; she sent me anyway because I don’t know why.) My monologue was Miller’s “plate of shrimp” speech from Repo Man, but on cocaine. I NAILED it. My song was “Take On Me” by A-Ha, because if nothing else…

When I was in high school I tried to get a job at Hot Topic. (Back when it was goth-knock off, not whatever it is today, ‘k?) Within minutes of starting the interview I knew there was no way I was going to get hired. They made me “audition” with two guys competing for same job. The guy interviewing me was as giant…

Oh, oh! I got caught in a massive rainstorm waiting for the bus for my interview. Was mid-house move, so had no umbrella on my person (AND it was a sunny DC morning until the moment it wasn’t!). Myself and another bus-stop-waiter caught a cab together downtown. I was absolutely soaking, the kind of wet you get when…

In my young, irresponsible days my BFF set me up with an interview for a part-time job. That night I went out partying and never, ahem, made it home. So I showed up late for the interview in my revealing party clothes from the night before, with wet hair, no makeup, etc. I made up a crazy lie about losing my suit…

How do I narrow it down?

I was trying to have the “perfect facial expression.” Neutral. Not too happy...wanna stay professional, but not a sourpuss. I was asked by the interviewer, “When are you going to wipe that smirk off your face?”

SAME!

I was once turned down for a job because I was newly married and they were worried I would get pregnant. :|

Is he in the new Avengers comic?

“...Oral arguments for the case were reportedly interrupted several times as justices hurled scathing insults at the plaintiff and, in one incident, when Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg attempted to jump the bench and physically assault Erickson.

I don’t know what that is, but I really think you should watch Civil War again. I saw both of the post credit endings and Hulk wasn’t even in those. You can be Team Cap or Team Iron Man. Or Team Zemo if you are the worst.

I don’t understand your username. Hulk wasn’t even in Civil War.

The racket has a safety rating of 9-McEnroes.

I feel like sometimes people put stuff on facebook to convince themselves (and the rest of the world) that things are better than they seem. It must be such a mindfuck to be reliving the end of your relationship.

I have stopped following more than one person on Facebook because of the numerous times they’ve had a public “final, hate-filled, never again” breakup, only to post kissy face within days. Ladies, douchebags never change. If he’s a dick, he’s a dick. Lose him and get an Hitachi. Jesus.

Monty Python and how you save yourself from a banana attack