YOU HAVE KILLED ME I AM A GHOST POSTING NOW. That is a super dapper fellow!

THERE IS SHAMPOO THAT MAKES YOUR HAIR FALL OUT? This seems like...a poorly thought out product. Reminds me of the time my friend’s dad accidentally used Nair in the shower instead of shampoo. Thankfully, he realized very quickly as it smelled horrible and felt burny. Still had a hilarious bald patch for a bit.

OMG elementary school flirting is so weird. There was a boy who chased me and pulled my hair. He got in trouble, but I was still afronted. So in my rage, I marched up to him when he was just sitting there minding his own business and I grabbed a big handful of his stupid blonde hair and YANKED. Right in front of the…

THE NEW WIGS HAHAHAHAHAHA perfect.

I was afraid Trump would somehow be too sensible to do the third party thing at this point, but this bonkers speech renews my faith that he will bring down the GOP voting bloc in 2016. From your post to Vishnu's ears.

“This post has been updated to reflect that Donald Trump has “so many” Jewish friends, who are “really great” friends. We previously quoted him as saying “a lot of” Jews are his friends, and they are “such good” friends, which did not correctly quote him and also inaccurately conveyed the number and amity of the Jews…

OH MY GAWD. Yeah, that is no way to live.

EVERYTHING IS COMING UP MISSY! Seriously, this is errrrrrrything I wanted from a new Missy track- thumping beats, awesome dancing, crazy creative costuming. Oh, and FUCKING MARIONETTES that dance better than I do. I would like to have that mirror ball outfit she wears at the beginning please and thank you. WELCOME…

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS THIS IS ACCURATE!

Your sister’s Prince game is PERFECT. Respect.

I was coming down to the comment section to say exactly this.

I will never be as cool as Tracee Ellis Ross was at 18. Also, does she not age?

My kid’s school has a daddy daughter dance around Valentines’ day, and a mom-son punt pass kick event in the fall. Which means as the mother of a daughter...I get no special little event to do with my daughter. The whole thing STINKS I TELL YOU.

YES ORAL PLUS FINGERS EQUALS AMAZING ORGASMS. Like shit goes numb after and I need some recoup time after amazing. And then I will basically do whatever he wants because DAMN SON THAT WAS AAHHHHMAAAAZZZZIIIINNNNNGGGGG!

“Mouth shuck my giggle oyster” is something I will use in a sentence in the next 24 hours. Thank you for bringing it into my life!

Let’s hope so. Considering both of her parents wear glasses, I suspect she will eventually be a four eyes.

This was brilliant. BRAVO!

When I was pregnant I lived on baby carrots and Goldfish crackers my first trimester, because those were the only foods that sounded or smelled appetizing. For. Three. Months. I was quite surprised my daughter was not orange when she came out.

PREACH! According to science, lice prefer clean hair/heads as well, so actually if your kids bring home lice it's because they have nice clean real estate for those little buggers to move into! Fucking head lice are the WORST. Went through two outbreaks since my kiddo has been in elementary school. She's in 3rd grade,…

I just went down that rabbit hole. I will never go in the woods again.