"If you had to downsize, would you fire the good workers or the great workers? Being fired means you weren't worth keeping around. It sounds heartless, but it is what it is. If you were the best worker, someone else would be sacked instead. It doesn't mean you were a bad worker, it just doesn't say the same thing as…

Eartha Kitt is da bomb. That is all.

I'm getting ready to watch Arrested Development with Mr. Mic (WHERE HAS THIS SHOW BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE???), plan on seducing him so I can get laid two nights in a row. Have I mentioned that we have had NO sex life for like ever!? Or at least the last little bit. I forgot how much fun banging is. I LOVE TEH SEX!

That is the best description of Justin Beiber I have ever seen. So hearted.

This is truly the most wonderful time of the year.

My sister and her husband took their cake out of the freezer and set it on the kitchen counter to thaw on their anniversary. Unfortunately, they also were fighting an ant infestation. So the ants got it. When I got married, we saved the top of the groom's cake because it was chocolate cheesecake and that was the only…

Indeed, it now makes sense why both Cheddar Bay buscuits and Olive Garden breadsticks find their way into my mouth unabated if I set foot in either establishment. They have crack in them! I AM ADDICTED!

I generally stick with "Jesus H. Christ", but occasionally throw a "Jesus take the wheel" or "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph" into the mix too.

Me too. Curses are for when I drop stuff (often) or spill stuff (even more often). If I start talking calmly while staring slightly to the right of your line of sight, you are in trouble because I am very. Angry.

Imma let you finish, but the baby fat rolls on the upper thigh are the best baby part of all time. OF ALL TIME.

I don't know where everyone is getting these fake mustaches for their kids, but I must get some for my daughter, like, yesterday. They are too cute to resist.

Hey everybody. My computer of course DIED right before my birthday and I just got it back. I finally mentioned something to my husband about not getting a card, and he felt appropriately awful. And he got me a lovely, heartfelt card with an awesome message, and I will keep him as long as I can because he is the best…

It's my birthday and I know my husband does not come from cars and cake people but really , no card at all? And he's studying tonite because he sucks at time management and has to study tonite. And my computer is broken so I have to jump hoops on my phone to get to the Canadian site to complain to the Internet. Blah.…

Are you me? Because man I totally rocked the Scully haircut. Down to the color.

I knew a married couple who were both named Kelly (they were hetero). I always pictured much confusion when people would call their house:

I really want to hate all of the Jersey Shore kids, but every time I see a tweet or hear something from Snooki, I like her more and more. She doesn't take this fame thing serious, she is making all the bank she can from her fame, and she is funny. I can't hate on her for that.

Annie Lennox is bad ass. That is all.

She inhaled our kitchen!

BWA! You are lucky I managed to avoid spitting guacamole on my laptop. Brit's dick is WAY bigger than Biebs.

What about that stomach? I want a stomach like that. Of course, I'd probably have to work out all the time, so not really. But you go, girl, you are awesome!