Had the same thought my guy, let’s will this into existence.

Man, I understand that the NFL is a competitive and capricious league, but how do you fuck up owning a restaurant in Portland in 2019?

If you contracted the Chargers, their good players could go to other teams with better medical staffs.

I feel like the best time to use this is after forcing a three-and-out on the first possession of OT, and I’m kind of stunned no one’s tried this in the last seven years.

LMAO FOH

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[sorry for triple post, kinja and my browser are not getting along today]

[points to scoreboard] “bodyyyyyyyy count”

This is worked for Belichick, after all. He went 5-11 his first year in Foxboro, and that was after amassing a losing record in five years over in Cleveland. But he kept on being a stone cold prick, won a Super Bowl the following year, became the greatest coach in history, and now his whole routine is so patented that…

Ahahaha, yes, hate that terrible code written by unionized workers. Everyone knows it’s best to let the market handle it the way it does now — max all your competent devs out so that they can’t keep up with their assignments, then farm out the rest to bottom-barrel freelancers who have no incentive to stick to a…

The answer is clear: https://twitter.com/Lana/status/466435631242313729

Thank you!!! I collect takes like yours to reuse later when it’s time to gloat. All the other haters are acting squirrelly today!

BRB, going through every article written about AB over the last two months and faving all the Steelers fans’ smug comments.

I’m sorry, but we’re now talking about a locker room with LeBron James in it. That’s a little different from a bunch of rookies and journeymen cashing checks on the way to 32-50. The idea that Howard on a probationary contract is going to have any presence in that locker room other than setting up LeBron’s dad jokes…

Great post, Tom! This kind of irreverent content (combined with the insightful social commentary and blistering essays) is a big part of the reason why Deadspin is the only non-social-media/non-work-related website I’m still visiting directly on a daily basis in 2019 (actually, make that multiple times a day lol).

Will do, can I get her email?

Let us not dwell on the question of how a strained calf managed to become a high ankle injury

Fellow Ravens fan here; I’ll cosign this completely. I think of the Browns as a kid brother — I want them to win...just not as much as us, at our expense, or enough to think they can step to us. But I’m absolutely rooting for a season where we go 1-2 with them in the division.

Please do not speak of “fun.” I am trying to count my money.

Y’all keep acting like Gase is some weirdo freak but doing at bumps at work because you only slept three hours the night before and have already drank enough coffee in the morning to tear a hole through your stomach lining is about the most New York thing imaginable.