Here's a bunch of baby skunks for you.

“Encouraged” a first-time drinker to consume enough in two hours to get alcohol poisoning? Sounds more like “forced.” Stellar parenting.

Are you getting hazard pay? Because you should totally be getting hazard pay as well as hazard booze. Being that close to that much stupid ... you're very very brave. I can't even face it on my teevee.

Cats are okay. I let these five live in my house because I'm afraid of them.

Here are the exceptions to automatic excommunication for having an abortion (and other automatic excommunication transgressions):

Did I misunderstand why you told me where you live? Maine isn't that big and there can't be that many Joe Spacevomits there. Oh no, how embarrassing.

I agree that medical ethics should not be tied to a thousands year old oath. It's a good starting place for discussion and it has an interesting history, but medicine has advanced beyond what it covers

That version of the oath refers to abortion by pessary. Abortion was legal in Greece at the time of the Hippocrates and the oath, but abortion by pessary was considered too dangerous. Additionally, abortion was “women’s work,” with a male doctor attending only if something went wrong.

It’s the willingness to sacrifice a woman to the possibility of a Holy Fetus™ that makes me want to level the Vaticant with my fists. Or tie all those celibate fuckers to a chair while I force them to review the ever-evolving RCC stance on women (abortion used to be okay before quickening; it’s still not grounds for…

Ah, the Catholic Church, which seems to have the mottos of Life, No Matter How Unbearable and Fuck You, Women.

Lobster. I'll be right over.

I'm in the SF Bay Area. It's a meeting of two people in the least affordable places in the country!

I have the feeling that The Daily Show with Trevor Noah will be just delightful, with helpful pieces telling us ladies that we have it all and just shut up now. Can’t wait.

We’re a pretty solid burn-when-done family. Buying real estate and cabinetry to rot in is just such a waste of money. I had my mother cremated last year and I'm not sure where her ashes are (did I mention my family is sorta fucked up?).

Back when I was dating (I think the earth’s crust was still cooling), I rejected outright anyone with babies/wanted babies; lived with parents; no job; poor education; didn’t like animals; drinking problem. I gave zero fucks about who thought it was “mean” or “judgy” - I know how much and what kind of drama I kind…

That’s awesome. What my grandmother did was disown me, even though my mother converted. She was divorced, you see, and not a virgin (Ka’hans must marry virgins!) and so I'm a bastard. My father was divorced too but that's different.

His third and final wife was Catholic and that’s what she wanted. While he was dying slowly from bone cancer, he was tended at night by an ancient nun from the Little Sisters of the Poor, who I think tried to convert him.

As a wayward youth, I also had a very good natural mezzo-soprano voice with a four-octave range. I was hired by one of the competitive Methodist churches in the area to be their soloist (my mother allowed it on the condition I didn’t become a Jesus freak). To make it look legit, I joined the Youth Group. Youth Group…

My Jewish father - and not just any kind of a Jew; he was a Ka’han, the priestly class, the Jewiest of Jews - was cremated and his ashes interred in a Catholic cemetery.

I understand what you’re saying - and seven months later - I have an anecdote about how blonde hair/blue eyes is not only rare around the world, it can sometimes be a lifesaver.