Sometimes I wish we weren't dependant on an old ass document created by people who owned human beings as property for our ethical decisions.

Oh Picard, you always know what I am thinking. I think if he read this it would end up with him saying to the replicator " Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. In my eyes."

So if I hush the voice inside me that just says " yuck", the part of me that also doesn't want to admit that my parents had sex more than once ( to concieve yours truly), this is still confusing and troubling.

Me at my desk rn.

Yeah, seriously. Lots of people like and dislike the same things. I don't want to be pooped on during sex. Bet my dad doesn't either. Correlation, not causation.

It makes damp miserable horseback riding look almost romantic.

Because you can't get your hand pregnant!

If you feel so bad about not getting to chill with your tiny bruh on this earth, maybe apologize for not using protection or not discussing reproductive plans before having sex. Those are things you actually could have done something about if you didn't want this to happen.

Do you get facials? You're still gonna need two showers, but OMG YOUR FACE WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. You know how it gets, like, that clogged feeling, and you sweat more? A good facial will let air into the pores, and seriously keep that clogging at bay for a week or more, as long as you don't do something like get…

You have Jezebel friends! <3 And this photo of a kitten and a puppy!

Sons of bitches are trying to kill me.

this is the best photoshop job EVER.

Hush, you're trying too hard to be funny.

yep let's just unplug it, let it sit for a day, then start from scratch. Got a nasty virus :(

Yes if it's strawberry, Swedish Fish, cherry, or raspberry (in that order). HELL NO if it's watermelon or bubble gum.

And I was just thinking I'd eat it if it was strawberry or watermelon, but not if it was cherry. One of us would win this, and I'm liking my odds.

Much like Jia, I injured myself heading downhill on wheels. However, mine was in a go-kart on my cousin's farm. All the young'uns (I was about 13 at the time) were taking turns driving it around the yard and having a great time. Cue: my turn.

I ask my SO for this ALL THE TIME. He used to dance for the money they'd throw. Ima keepin all his sperm packets...

"Dude: That sweet rape money"