Cool Ranch is the only one that works for me, now.

He's jerking it because he's bored, likes jerking off, and sex cams are available. Let him have a private internal life, for christ's sake. There's no pathologizing to be done here. He's in a relationship with you and only whacking it to these women, who — live or not — are sexual objects to him and nothing more. And…

Dude, get a grip snip.

I lost my virginity to a guy who immediately said afterwards, "hey you wanna go play some computer games."

WHAT WAS THE CAST ON, please say it was his dick!

It WAS like a romance novel! We got caught in the thunderstorm walking back to his place, took off our clothes to let them dry, one thing led to another...it was nice.

It involved bunkbeds and gravity.

I had a three year relationship with a woman from eHarmony. Things only fell apart because we lived a little under an hour away from each other, and she was eventually moving.

I'm at the point in my lonely spinster life where I can either turn to online dating or I can die alone and let my body be eaten by possums.

I feel really justified in avoiding his entire oeuvre like the plague.

heeeheeeheee

I do a little hand wave like I am holding an imaginary pennant. That usually gives them the gist of it

Lol. It's like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer shoots Marge with the Make Up Gun set on the whore setting.

Also, I'd punch a bitch on the metro to get him to jump me. Okay, I'm done for the day.

An alarm clock is not a good gift for anyone! I'll wake up when I'm goddamn good and ready!

Replace the coke with fresh sushi, and sign me the fuck up.

But what if you're mad now?

Is it bad to compare children to dogs? Eh, whatever. Imma do it anyway. As the world expert on snark, Dr. Percy Cox said on Scrubs, "having a child is like having a dog that gradually learns how to speak." TRUFAX.