When I was younger, I couldn’t handle the combination of grilled cheese and chocolate milk. I’m not lactose intolerant, so I don’t know why the gross combo sent me into violent projectile vomiting?

Well, I guess that’s one thing I have in common with Selena Gomez.

I refer to Wilsonville as "that place that has the Rocky and Bullwinkle park."

That's awesome! Now we just need to keep our governor from doing shady shit.

*sigh* Someday they'll be some good news from Oregon featured on Jez.... someday. I swear we're not all weirdoes!

I wasn't the bride, but I ruined a pair of really cute cream d'orsay peep toes by spiking my big toe with one of the heels and bleeding all over the shoe while I was dancing at a friend's wedding. I DIDN'T STOP DANCING, DAMN IT!!!

I think she uses Homer Simpson’s makeup shotgun.

I am still on Twitter, but everything about being famous on Twitter is fucking terrifying and I don’t see how they can do it. Click in the replies to almost any tweet of anyone mildy famous and it is usually full of fucked up shit. People have no boundaries or decency.

I only wish to be famous, just so I could be on the cover of a PREGNANT & DUMPED tabloid. Jokes on them, I don’t have a uterus!

I will throw a plate across the room if I receive a salad with kale in it. No, I am not being irrational!

It depends on the day for me. Sometimes I think I look okay, even without trying to do my hair/makeup and sometimes I think I look like hot garbage despite wearing full makeup/styled hair.

Kit, I don't like the Leafs, but I'll go to a game with you and maybe we'll get on the kiss cam and it will be very romantic. Just buy me some nachos or something. I'm easy like that.

That was my thinking on it. I'd never take the chance of having the nerves damaged. Same with nipples.

My regular old analog fun button works just fine for me. Go home, Fun Factory.

I'm 30 minutes in a laughing my ass off.

*gross sobbing* Why was I made to feel things??!!!

I loved the aging relationship dynamic bit. I still say "Throw down your wallet…don't make us all suffer!" or "Yo, my man, give her two pieces of cheese, hook it up!" on a regular basis.

I hope it isn't a similar script to my lady heist film about trying to steal Michael Fassbender's giant dong.... cause I already wrote that.....

Looks like an Aston Martin at first glance....I'd take either of the two...or both.

Same.