Ahhhh I'll take them all, damn it!

Ranch dressing is the savior of bad pizza.

*makes grabby hands at the screen* Come to Butthead!

Ahhh memories. That show (and movie) defined my early teens. I was given unfettered access to cable from a young age and I turned out alright. #butts

What? Why would anyone do this? I routinely have poop emergencies because of my IBS, but I've never once thought "hmmm, I'm just gonna shit right here." And anyone doing this for (pardon the pun) shits and giggles is supremely fucked up.

Life would be so much better with portals.

I'm filing this under "lazy, uninspired, stereotypical lady marketing made by some assjack who probably makes twice as much as me."

Same.

Someone I work with has a badly done sport/pin up mashup tattoo (think if a kid knew what pinup was a drew a lady). I'd totally post it but it has way too many identifying features. It terrifies everyone in my office.

He's got a serious insect problem! All those holes eaten into all his clothes! Poor guy. He's just lucky he's handsome and has a motorcycle and sick gold chain won at a state fair.

He stepped out into the wildness of his life as the trees whispered in each other's ears when they saw him. Even the deer came closer. He still wore the gold chain she won him at the state fair, a sparkling scar. That woman had a way with targets. He, a bullseye. What a bullseye you've been, Marcus He said to…

I get my cutesy quotient filled by buying my pets adorable looking toys they'll play with once and then go back to cardboard boxes and the cap you put on the screws of your toilet.

Pay Kaley Cuoco any amount of money to get her off my television screen, Priceline and car ads included and I'll be happy.

She's playing in the arena where I work in a month or so. If I see her, I'll probably flip her off. She is terrible.

I don't usually follow these types of accounts (I never got what people saw in horse_ebooks) but I do like chill situations... are we sure this isn't one of Will and Jada's kids?

I see... *slowly backs away*

Is anyone else randomly getting the word "bible" thrown into the conversation texts? Is Kim K telling me I need to get right with Jesus?

This is why I played video games as a youth. Set giant spiders and trolls on fire with a sweet spell combo and fire buff with no actual harm done.

2/10 would punch in the dick.

I don't feel as ashamed playing this game, because I mostly play it on the toilet. It's still horrible however.