I am glad I am going on a literal and metaphorical long train ride tomorrow. I must escape this story.

I heard 30 seconds of Fancy and googled "Do they have rockets that fly into the sun?"

The classic baseball with a phone number rolled over the dugout at a AAA game. The weirdest part was that he autographed it with his full name and player number, not just like "hey, my name is so and so, call me."

Same. Or pickle juice mixed with lemonade.

I took a human sexuality class in college. It was a disappointingly lame giant lecture class. No discussion of dragon dick kinks or anything!

My mom had a big problem spending money on F2P Facebook games. She even took money out of my bank account once. She finally stopped after pretty much an intervention by the myself and my siblings. It was ridiculous.

Seconded. I was thinking "damn he's handsome, he must be a giant douche., right?"

I don't really want to look at other women's labia, but as the owner of a wizard-sleeved vagina (my OBGYN even tried to reassure me that is was normal, unsolicited) I'm glad this exists.

This terrifies me and I am running away.

*sitting in the cubicle of my junior hockey team employer*

Oooo you stole a generic design from the FDA and a quote. Good job! I can't imagine the hours you spent toiling over those design choices.

Upon learning the reporter's identity, he slammed the door and refused to answer again.

The article says she had uterine fibroids. If there was nothing indicative of cancer on the cervix/ovaries, why go overboard and do a total hysterectomy and ovary removal? Was that part of the consent form? Why the huge emphasis on the blood test for cancer? Is that totally indicative of having cancer? This all just…

As someone with constant poop problems, I'm going to get on board with the #NotAllBMs hashtag.

It'd be much funnier if it wasn't so horrifyingly true.

Sext: damn baby, you're givin' me some serious biometric information.

Our ice is out since it is the summer, but I could probabaly spray paint the locker room. They'd never suspect the team graphic artist... that has spray paint...

I'm just gonna print out a sheet of translations of "no butt stuff" in all languages. Seems like that'd be useful to me.

*sigh* I'm just going to shut down the computer at my professional hockey job and leave for the day.

It's a damn shame hockey players have to be so bundled up. They look great naked. They need like, bikram hockey.