Fantastic. I love full frontal action.

Portland: We've Got Newsworthy Cats!

Call me when there are mandroid sex bots. Reading through Texts from Straight White Boys has turned me off human men.

Oh god, I moved to Portland hoping to meet dudes....I'm fucked!

I got this text right around the time I stopped dating, "coincidentally." Keep in mind I'd known this guy for a only few days:

I'd kick her out just on her glasses frames alone...but seriously the Mormon church can eat a dick. But like not a gay dick, cause those are blasphemous. This is a religion where women aren't supposed to wear pants to church FFS!

Oh shit, don't get me talking about gelato. Or really any food. I love food. FOOD!

Male officers are now forbidden from ripping off their shirtsleeves.

I'll see you on the flight over!

BRB....moving to Spain.

I always google potential lays and potential landlords. There are a lot of fucked up/shady people out there. It's saved me from some potentially bad situations.

I feel like I'm one of the few people who haven't jumped on the Beyonce train. She is beautiful and a good singer, but I'm just like "meh, another celebrity who lives in extravagance."

I'm living with a parent out of necessity. The rental market here is a shit show. :(

Gaga and Katy Perry need to go into the Thunderdome of Trying Too Hard, except no one leaves.

The voiceover is the best part. God damn that triple action!

I loved this song when I was little, oblivious to what is was about.

The Bill of Rights needs be modernized. The US has changed a shit load since most of the amendments were drafted. I doubt people 200 years ago ever imagined dick heads on the internet would exist.

Burn it. BURN IT ALL!!!!!

I'm on #TeamGreasyFace so I try to wear as little makeup as possible. Usually just eye makeup (which I know looks like shit) and matte foundation powder and under eye concealer. I fear delving into primer/liquid foundation will make me break out more than I already do. Gotta love acne in your 30's!

BRB....dying.