It doesn’t need to be an either-or. There’re doubtless people who enjoy masturbating in private with groups of like-minded consenting folk, compared to whom, Cara D. probably does feel prudish.

1. Sack all of the moderators

Don’t worry, normal function can be restored with the practically-mandatory lift kit.

A fist flying through the air… I wonder why civility and road manners are on the decline.

Not all singers can shine as effortlessly as actors as, say, Elvis or Mick Jagger.

It probably helped to be high while writing it, too.

After fifteen years, their response to mental health crises still hasn’t evolved past ‘turn off your body cam and aim for the centre of the torso’?

Now that the Republicans are the party of Mr. ‘No problems in that department’, I expect their next round of primaries to be a *literal* dick measuring contest, women being freely allowed to join in and automatically lose to any man.

I’m amazed that Trump isn’t still selling pardons to this day, under some made-up legal theory that he has the authority for life.

You should drop that into your spec script for the Barbarella reboot.

When they discover a fifth quadrant? Maybe it’s one I’ve been in all along and isn’t well served by modern cinema?

mmm.. when I’m deciding what movie to watch, I certainly need to know whether it appeals to all four quadrants or not!

They repeat throughout - “Please don’t put guns on our *general-purpose* robots”. What they leave out is their ‘special purpose’ robots.. nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Maybe if Hannity’s father had loved him half as much, he wouldn’t have grown up like he did.

In Britain, the police would’ve been armed with extending batons, possibly tasers, wearing anti-stab vests and trained in de-escalation and non-lethal takedowns. It’s probably harder than you think to rush police from a distance and inflict a fatal stab wound on the person they’re talking to, when they’re already…

I, also, must regretfully state that I will never direct a Star Wars or MCU movie. 

Exactly - if they’re so macho, let them each walk out, one at a time, introduce themselves by name, and then scream their message of oppression as loudly as they dare.

They’re only one election away from requiring ‘proof of virginity’, aren’t they?

I’m not driving because I’m not staying sober. I have a list of grievances to air which make Festivus seem like the Teletubbies.

I ascribe every mistake in an AV Club article to the writer having to put their phone down when some frikken *tourist* comes in an asks for ‘a coffee’, necessitating the writer rolling their eyes and walking them through the coffee *experience*.