I'm fairly new to Jez (maybe a year at most), and I remember a few months after I started commenting, seeing people saying "this place has gone downhill" and thinking "gosh, they seem jaded", but now I get it. Between the sex-shaming on the toy post, and the way this article is slanted, I'm more than a little grossed…

Well-said. The terms of contribution should be negotiable on a case-by-case basis, between the parties in that relationship, and by no-one else.

That's really cool! My partner has sensitivity issues as well...I think I have some research to do :)

I didn't see that article yesterday, but just scrolled back to it now, and cripes, that's awful that they would post the article from that slant. Guys should be just as able to have fun with sex toys as women. No judgment, period. Hell, if my best friend (who's a guy) hadn't been into sex toys, I might never have…

I agree with you as well. I think it's perfectly normal, given the kind of shit gender roles forces on us, for a guy to feel bad about not making what he deems to be enough to contribute to a relationship/household. Mocking that feeling isn't fair. It _is_ social conditioning, and it takes a lot of will and awareness…

For sure—common interests/values come into it too, both very important things when looking to build something lasting.

...yeah, when I run into guys like that, I run like my ass is on fire and the nearest bucket of water is the next town over. Do not want that, Sam-I-Am.

Seriously. I feel bad for the guy because he's obviously hurting, but really, this post wasn't about him until he turned the spotlight on his own issues, and this whole thread has sidelined having a proper discussion about the actual research :/

There's a lot of "Jez Is My Therapist" going on in this thread >.>

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a lot of women wish that men would let that feeling go. It keeps us from being better with each other. Look at it this way: If your partner earns more money than you, and that makes you feel bad, there's nothing she can do about it, except feel guilty and sad. Then both of you…

I've got a bit of a fever, so this may only make sense in my own head, but I feel like the patriarchy's "man makes money, woman makes home" sets relationships up to be purely transactional, in a tangible-goods-only kind of way, and prevents partners from really being partners and engaging in a way that isn't clouded…

As an insight/aside, for some women, being impressed by a job isn't about how much money that job represents, but that it represents your willingness to see something through. It's a flawed correlation, of course—just because a guy is passionate enough about his work to spend tons of time and money on school and work…

I am in awe that you managed med school and a child on your own. It sucks that you should ever have to downplay that, because I think you have a right to be proud of what you accomplished. High fives to you.

Men feeling "emasculated" and "obsolete" is the fault of patriarchy, not feminism.

I've always been uncomfortable with being _needed_. That implies that my partner can't take care himself. I would much prefer that he's self-sufficient and still wants me around. Then I know he wants me for me, and not because it makes his life more comfortable.

*shrug* My experience has been that guys who sprawl all over like that will continue to do so when a woman sits beside them.

Well, yes, it _is_ my assumption. That it's an assumption is right there in the words "I think". I sure wouldn't want to sit next to some dude who's got his legs all splayed out because I bet you dollars to donuts that I'm going to have to either endure his legs mashed up against mine, or cram myself against the wall…

You're welcome, though it looks like the author decided to give it up a while back, so it's archives-only.

I think the thing is that nobody would want to sit next to him if the train did fill up because that posture says in all caps "DO NOT SIT NEAR ME THIS IS MY SPACE ALL OF IT"

There is a blog that looks at both genders being dicks on public transit: http://ihopeyourbagiscomfortableasshole.tumblr.com/