Funnily enough ‘women bending over backwards’ is the favourite cover pose of that group.

What the hell does your age have to do with loving cake? You’ll take my birthday cake out of my cold dead hands on my 101st birthday, when I die fighting some other bitch at the rest home for the corner piece, because that’s where all the icing’s at. THREE SURFACES OF FROSTING.

Because cake is fucking awesome, that's why.

Dear dining public:

This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it, the service is terrible every time we come here.” And then she looked me straight in the eyes.

I would shame the cut of that thong. What is even going on there?

Seriously, sometimes it feels like most fashion designers dislike women and would rather just design for clothes hangers and mannequins.

No, no, no. Will had charisma, he was naturally funny, relatable, and cool. He got all the girls. He had style and talent. Have you seen his fucking kid? He dresses like Batman for the prom. He tweets nonsense. Nobody can stand him. He says school is evil. And there are stories upon stories of him and his sister being…

I find KStew way more authentic than most of the actresses out there. Also she just gets more beautiful as time goes on.

This is horrifying.

Cannot process nuance!

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

Idk I just really can’t get behind this.

She is living not just her best life but also my best life.

John Fogerty would be so fucking offended you think CC&R sang Sweet Home Alabama.

Ever notice that the people yelling at others to speak English never have that great a grasp on it themselves?

I don’t need an aphrodisiac. I need someone to have sex with. That would be great.

I always wondered why something that resembles a freshly hocked loogy would be considered an aphrodisiac.

How to start your day like Mocena: