THIS IS THE BEST THING I EVER SAW YOU WIN

So, in short, Yelp has become the internet equivalent of a protection racket.

Did anyone see the portrait of Donald Trump painted in menstrual blood? It gives me feelings. Like on the one hand, HAHAHAHA, but on the other hand he doesn’t even deserve the attention.

This isn’t about Republicans, this is about Catholics. There’s not actually a huge amount of overlap between those groups.

Welcome to Indianapolis, it’s currently sunny and 81 degrees.

shitty Girls episodes

I’m mostly just confused as to how someone who has written extensively online about working as a prostitute, is, in the middle of an article about shooting a porn film, being awfully judgey about her partner watching porn. So doing porn is okay and empowering for her, but it’s not okay for other women to perform or…

At first I thought it might have been total satire cause of the ridiculously precious author name that almost sounds made up — Juniper Fitzgerald — but she has a Twitter and is SO AMUSED that everyone hates this.

I’m basically the little girl in the yellow shirt right now.

Even if there was an interesting personal essay behind this, I could barely find it behind all your witchy ho perv special snowflake gobbledy gook prose.

I really need to listen to the little voice that says: “Stop reading. Now. You read three sentences, you gave it a fair shot. You know this will not get better. Or go anywhere. And you have over-due library books that you actually like reading.”

Yeah. Sometimes I read stuff on Jezebel and think to myself: a) Man, these people have waaaaay too much time on their hands if they’re overthinking shit to this extent, and; b) she can’t write worth a damn and thinks she’s nowhere near as interesting, clever or amusing as she thinks she is. We get it, you like kinky…

I read the whole thing, I wish I didn’t.

All I read, ok skimmed was “Look at me I am mom who works in the porn business and I feel really bad about it. Oh and I drank my own plecenta vodka (WTF) and took mushrooms because my husband looks at porn and it made me feel like shit.” She sounds like she regrets ever having a daughter because she is girl and girls…

Having an unconventional, unusual, risky, or rare experience (porn, mountain climbing, making every Julia Childs dish etc) is insufficient preparation for writing good prose. I wish more people got that.

What the fuck is this shit???

This is terrible, boring writing.

I was working at a margarita bar on the water, so winter was slow. We relied on our regulars, a few of which were a group of late twenties bro dudes who would come in for nachos and fish bowl sized margaritas. They were generally ok, except they LOVED to flirt with all of the female staff, despite none of us being…

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…