Is there any blood of virgins in it? I'm really not interested if there isn't...

I love that my favorite actor seems to be allergic to clothing, so many full frontal movies on my shelf...

Hindsight man, it's 20/20. If only he could have seen that an average of 73 texts a day over a 10 month period was 'stupid' at the time...

on her mother's side?

but, but, but... it rhymes! Doesn't that count?

It's SOOOOO last year's religion, this year, we're only interested in the new testament which affirms our crazy beliefs instead of challenging them! P.S. thank you for bumping me out of the grays, I appear to have fallen back into them somehow? I'm hurt Jezebel... hurt!

Damn hippies!

...showing quite a bit of shoulder there honey, not sure we can take you seriously unless you cover up a little bit more. And is that white? AFTER labor day? Pfft!

I've seen lots of them pointing to that whole "I knew you when you were in the womb" stuff from Jeremiah? I don't know, it's a long book, if they try they can justify pretty much anything with it so long as it isn't directly addressed, and when it is, you can usually find a counter example.

The newspaper is desperate for circulation and therefore will embrace 'edgy controversy'? I have no idea...

... and the pizza!

My high school boyfriend's mother would have totally done this if she'd walked in on us together, she was one unabashedly crazy lady.

That seems like a rather egregious oversight frankly. So many poor men are going to starve to death when women do what this song tells them...

Evidently they only REALLY like washing them for the sake of we ladies? Fucked if I know...

What are we allowed to fight over? The dragging his butt to church one if he doesn't want to go? We seem to have our options pretty much cinched up in these lyrics, not much room for fighting.

See? Very magical!

I weep for your loss!

I'm sure a watermelon baby would make it on this list as well should your little one ever arrive.

WHAT ABOUT ONLY USING CAPITALIZATION???

Cats come to me, what am I suppose to do? Ignore them? That would be rude! RUDE!