Shitting at work is a goddamned inalienable right. I'm pretty sure that's why we have unions.

Anal music geek? I'm glad someone is finally giving farts the musical attention they deserve.

Gag gift? A little confident, aren't we?

How can you put beets in the 'tastes bad' category? Beets are delicious! I can understand if you're only talking about canned, pickled beets like you'd find at a salad bar, but fresh beets (as pictured) are sweet and earthy and delicious, either roasted or steamed.

At first I thought this was about Canadian national treasure Mary Walsh, and I was excited she had a new show.

By the same logic, Heydrich, Mengele, Goering, Himmler, and Goebbels dropped the ball, and the collective of one of the best nation-states had nothing to do with it.

"Intense? Sure, Barry, I'd love to go camping with you."

I'm partial to "Goddamnit, Donald!" myself.

Well, then, nevermind.

Whatever. That twitter account is all bark.

The bulk of Wisconsin is pretty decent and breathtaking in parts. There are some real sh*theels running the place at the moment. I'm doing my part to change that

Agreed. And this beginning sentence of his email answers the pivotal question he later poses: ". . . without sounding like a whiny selfish brat?" You can't help it. You are, in fact, a whiny, selfish brat.

I recently moved to Madison, which is a great city in an otherwise shitty state.

Was there a madman in the basement, tapping on the knife with a radiator, waiting for me to come down and check it out so he could slit my throat from ear to ear?

Pre-Eagle Colorado Kobe: All day I dream about sodomy.

If rape culture and sneaker sales were really that intertwined, wouldn't Vans have more cross-over appeal?

On the other hand, Skip's theory could explain why a frustrated Oscar Pistorius felt he really had to up the ante to land a shoe deal.

fuck it, nevermind about that shot.

I always knew Floyd Mayweather beat women.