"And I said that a machine can do anything you can do better, faster, and more cheerfully, but not more cheaply" - Robert Sheckley, "Mindswap"

Cure all your troubles

...and as Tiny Tim said, "God help us all, everyone."

My granddaughter told me that the Christmas spirit was that:

I'm going for a totally nihilistic St. Elsewhere type ending. Ted is an unemployed writer, eating Vienna sausages out of the can. Robin is a newscaster he fantasizes about.

I know Ph.D. level statisticians are paid better than mathematicians even if they're working in the same department.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

For science!

Nazis? I thought the Slytherins had taken over Hogwarts!

I thought that line only went as far as Fapville...good to know.

"They once used a 3D-printer to make a GOP nominee for the Presidency.

Just fill up all the empty spaces on the map with "Here be heathens."

He'd been up all night before holding hands with the mrs., building homeless shelters with his bare hands, and rescuing kittens from storm drains, but sounds like a right rat bastard to me.

But it's a dry heat, at least.

Late to the gate, but is she human or is she dancer?

"Mom, can I ask you a question?"

Charlie Sheen was asked to write a book as part of a 'creative sentencing' agreement.

All Daddy wants for Christmas is some cake of beef?

Is this a straw-woman argument?

Pubic charter schools work!