The word your looking for is hideous.

This lady ticked all the boxes on my list of life goals.

I’d be like “we’re getting married now. In your cemetery.”

As an owner of many a 70's car, I can tell you that bench seats were the bane of my young adult life. Wanna find out what happens when your drunk friend accidentally slams your column shifter into reverse while you’re going 90 down the freeway? Or you wanna get up close and personal with your buddy’s crotch/knees…

My dad’s 2011 Super Duty has an erroneous 3 cup holders for the front passengers (if you fold down the middle seat). Two is reasonable: water and coffee. What do you store in the third? The blood of your enemies?

I have overdrawn an account three times in my life: twice with credit unions, once with a big bank. My overdraft fees at my current CU are $4 per transaction as long as I have enough in savings to cover the transaction. I figure for the measly sum of $4, I can suck it up and pay it once in a blue moon.

The same thing happened to me with BoA (AKA Bank of Evil) except it was with their “Keep the Change” promotion that rounded up debit card transaction and transferred the “change” to your savings. I made one purchase with my checking account after I close the savings, transferring less than 50 cents to it, but that…

Pardon me while my historian shows. The fact is there were much stankier things in that time than folks who didn’t shower or bathe often. No public sewer system, garbage collection, no flush toilets; where’d all your rotting poop and food go? The gutter of course! Every city street was basically a giant compost pile,…

THIS JUST IN: All weddings are tacky. ALL. OF. THEM. Even your uber traditional, Pinterest-perfect wedding. Having your spouse rip your garter off with their teeth? Five fucking forks? Your precious “first dance” bullshit? Spending $20k just to throw a party celebrating the fact that you filled out a 2-fucking-page…