Rando advice from an internet stranger ahead (but I am a former vet tech, so there’s that): you don’t need diet food for your dog. Just look up a dog food calculator and figure out how many calories are in your current food. You basically plug in their ideal weight (for Emergency probably like 75-ish? Ask your vet),…

Our housing market is ridiculous. Low inventory and high demand mean that renting and buying are almost the same cost wise. If you can afford a down payment, it’s better to buy.

In short: fucking yes. Obviously.

Yes. I’m sure that’s how it works.

Word of the year 2019: “Performative do-gooderism”

The only thing that ever makes me feel better is Golden Milk, or whatever the cool kids are calling it now. Its basically a cup of local honey (local because pollen or something?), turmeric, cinnamon, crystallized ginger, a pinch of cloves, and some nutmeg. Mix it up, pop a table spoon in a cup of hot coconut milk…

Three pick-ups and an RV?

My mom didn't even do that. She always sniped her favorites out of my bag (Smarties. She was welcome to them) and snagged all the Butterfingers for my dad since he was always goose hunting around Halloween.

Pro-tip: you can.  They’re delicious with some spicy brown mustard.

I mean, they have a somewhat valid argument. Moving bee colonies from area to area has been shown to be a contributing factor of colony collapse disorder in bees. They pack them up at night and move them in open trucks that chill bees, making them susceptible to disease.

Oh Jason. You ain’t seen nothing.

In 1979 my dad made the mistake of letting my mom choose a car and she decided on the decal-clad monstrosity that is the 1979 Pontiac Fire Arrow.

No, actually, I didn’t. Reading comprehension was not your thing in school, was it?

Because mens pants are shapeless bags that assume your waist, hips and thighs are exactly the same diameter. And it isn’t too much to ask that women’s clothing be designed for style and function. 

eShakti is a gift. Though, I never understood who opted to have the pockets removed. Why would I EVER want that? 

I cannot tell you what an annoyance the idiotically small pockets in women’s clothing is. I only carry a very small wallet (it’s like a millimeter thick when it’s empty), my phone (a regular sized one, not the monsters that require a purse), and my keys. You’d think I’d be able to find reasonably nice dress pants that…

Pets are need ridiculous names. This is an indisputable fact. Also, your veterinarian will like you more if they have to call and say “we’re calling to confirm the appointment for Her Majesty Queen Cleopatra IIX.”

No one should be going into debt to attend a wedding. That’s ridiculous.

People getting married: stop being an entitled twat and tell your broke ass friends they can show up sans gift.

Same. I can’t drink at all without taking an anti-histamine.