Why be unfunny in one city a night when you can be unfunny in every city one night a week? This seems most inefficient to me.

Just stop trying to make ‘Heathers’ happen, Paramount.

OUT WITH YOU!

If their personal biases happened to align with Sinclair’s conservative beliefs, they would be just fine with it.

Death to the opposition*

Also, Cirroc Lofton (Jake Sisko) is the nephew of Kenny Lofton, a Major League Baseball player.

Was there any floor shitting involved?

Right you are, Ken!

What have Amazon Prime subscribers done to deserve the punishment of having a Larry The Cable Guy movie added to their choices?

Instead of chomping down on extra tomatoes, why don’t these people do shove their precious guns in their mouths? If they’re so able to avoid being triggered, then the bullet should have no effect on them.

McConnell.

Lose what, exactly? It’s a well-known fact that he had his brain removed years ago so he could keep an extra helping or two of chili in the cavity.

The President should really put his faith in Blast Hardcheese.

Eh, close enough.

I may be too old to still be reading a Sports blog (your roast was one of the best things to come out during a terrible time in my life), but dammit that was the most gut-wrenching intro to anything I’ve ever read.

So Steven Seagal is putting out a book of toilet paper, but each page is already smeared with his own feces?

On the one hand, nuking 4chan and its ilk would probably be for the best. On the other hand, the fact that their shit is confined to a subsection of the web is rather comforting. Maybe quarantine its users to keep them from infecting the rest of the world with their shit.

How much longer until all that’s left of Impact is...

Despite knowing full well that it’s Cleveland’s bye week, I still instinctively scrolled down to the One Throwgasm section to make sure they were where they belong.