My tongue feels big now. I think the grossest name for a penis is “willy”.

But unless I have a VERY BAD understanding of anatomy dicks stick out front wards ... I guess it works if you’re manspreading and can angle the pants to hide a boner?

Worst thing to ever happen to pants. I though skinny jeans were bad, but these look like the wearer has taken a huge dump. I also imagine that they would limit movement on a skateboard.

i consider morphine a vitamin

yeah, or like “turns out she’s a lesbian” and has been punking us all these years. and that she loves goat herding.

For real. Is this the apocalypse?!?

Shit, if my husband pisses me off bad enough in the next 6 months, I’m naming this baby Victor Kiriakis Theroux because that is a badass name.

Grayson for a girl sounds like a name only an anti-vaxxer would choose.

Even worse: Grayson for a girl- Gracin. Or Mason for a girl- Macyn.

“She likes names that are similar to Justin, so she’s either picked Preston, Ethan, or Grayson. She thinks they sound great with Theroux as a last name.”

Could the tabloid writers get more creative for our homegirl Aniston? Like, “I’m adopting a sloth”, or “Justin and I have applied for a mission to Mars”, or some shit like that. This having a baby thing gets old after the gazillionth time.

“Weak in the knees, knocking out, gushed”... sounds like a horror porno

Who is responsible for this? What the hell is going on?

my wife is great and all, but i didn’t know there was a woman out there who would have been like “we’re going to a hockey game on our wedding day.”

There’s a hockey game going on, and they still managed to keep the attention on the bride?

Have you ever balled as hard as these newlyweds at Saturday’s Minnesota Wild game?

Skuta tried to carefully eat the burger in her dress

The hockey does not have balls. The hockey has pucks. So you should have said:

Calling it; Kid Rock.