“I’m so very sorry, but when we were stitching you up Dr. WTF sewed his finger to your labia. It didn’t worsen the tear, but fluids mixed and we do need to do an HIV test. After we re-sew.”

Okay so it’s not really “gross” and I probably told this story before, but it’s still hilarious to me.

Well, I was literally bleeding out of my ass, and my doctor told me that I had a pilonidal cyst. Then came the awful question - “So, have you pulled any of the cyst out? It should have the appearance and consistency of old Crisco.”

What will I do if I don’t make you horny

I’ve used this move on creepy bosses, does that count?

Raise your hand if you have used this move on your creepy relative. ✋

Maricopa County voter here. Some of us are trying to vote him out, I promise!

“The closeted perv has never come out as gay”

Because he very well may not be; being a child predator /= gay. Abusive sex is about power, not identity.

Arizona is more in play than I ever could have hoped. I’m not super enthused about HRC, but if she can win AZ, that might put the worthless ‘red state’ narrative to bed for good. She has my Baja Arizona vote!

Due to my extensive history with controlled substances (and some uncontrolled ones too) I must interject that Nas and Freddy weren’t freebasing cocaine. They were for sure “chasing the dragon” aka smoking heroin. That is why Nas was so relaxed after taking a hit. Also explains his desperate need for Oxys - he was…

if this gets fucked up there will be hell 2 pay

She also calls Trump ‘that orange ass.’

My 86 year old mother, who has dementia, has fixated on Katie Ledecky. She’s called me three times to ask if I saw her on TV. ‘Did you see that young lady all alone in the pool?’

You mean blood coming out of her wherever?

SEND THIS BACK TO THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL.

Related:

She’s like that old-school classic American beauty... Audrey Hepburn.