That’s really not OK, and I hope you find the strength and support to leave her.

Difference is, I only did it once, because when my girlfriend told me how much it hurt her, it wasn’t a big deal for me to let her know in the future.

Receiving unwanted offers and having to nonetheless continue to interact with such people is an everyday part of any woman’s life.

Just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you get to authorize their platonic day-to-day interactions. Talking to people without your knowledge isn’t some cloak and dagger clandestine way to hurt you.

I’m sure that’s true in some families. In our family, the case was the opposite: because my husband was a stay-at-home dad, his family expected him to do tasks for his grandmother (despite both parents and his uncle living ~45 minutes closer and being retired), house sit when his parents went out of town and help his…

They refuse to acknowledge the very real hardships faced by women, families, and these precious babies.

I would argue that those of us who are childless often take on the burden of elderly care since our procreating siblings have their hands full with their children.

Yeah, I don’t understand how this is confusing. Whenever my child-free friends give me shit about kids and ask how they can get those sweet, sweet tax breaks, I reply ‘Didn’t you just put your mom/dad/uncle with no kids in a nursing home? Have her/him move in as your dependent!’

Absolutely. I bought my first sex toy at Smitten Kitten decades ago. We talk a lot about bodies and sexuality with our kids. But I’d be righteously pissed if someone took my kids there, or anywhere fucking else, without my knowledge. It sounds like this was a trip that happened after a year-long sex ed course. I doubt…

If you live in a state where grocery stores can sell liquor, you might see that price. I saw it on sale for ~35 once. Usually runs 45-50 though.

And taking the school out of the investigation makes that impossible. Take this scenario:

Law precedent is all over the map, in terms of what a college’s legal responisibilty is. Very hard situation.

For sure. There are definitely people who interacted with me one way when we worked together digitally, but changed their tune when we met in person and I wasn’t who they expected. I sometimes wish I didn’t have to meet new colleagues in person, ever.

The situation at universities in the UK is pretty murky:

So colleges shouldn’t move parties involved in rape claims into separate housing, or allow a victim to make changes to their course schedule? Great idea, pal

Yeah, that’s weird. I definitely evaluate each piece of writing on its own merits. But I certainly afford more skepticism to people who are prone to spreading bullshit than people I know to be honest.

And the fact is that she says a lot of things that blame victims for having been assaulted. I don’t understand why you think that judging her based on her words and actions is grade schoolish.

Uh, no. Simply googling her column name and rape gives a ton of columns, and you can judge for yourself if Yoffe is a victim-blaming asshat. If you’re too lazy to do that (likely), here’s an overview of them:

That’s also an option. I know people who think she’s this high-minded, above-it-all observer of campus rape cases. It’s just fucking baffling.

I dunno. I’ve been in higher ed a while, and the amount of situations I’ve seen where a woman or a person of color is told to sit down and shut up in response to a claim of…

Yep. This is one of the big problems I’ve always had with Yoffe. She absolutely crucifies women for doing completely reasonable reporting measures after assault. I can never quit understand what Yoffe and her fans want women to do, other than never drink or leave their homes.

Great article, Anna.