“I didn’t talk to Alec because I don’t like Alec”

So Brad and Jen broke up and Brad said that all they did was smoke pot. So now Brad and Angie break up and he says he’s tired of drinking all the time. What was his “thing” with Gwyneth? Did she make him do too many colonics? Tired of all that echinacea?

Here’s Pitt on whether he’s going through a mid-life crisis:

USED TO LOVE BRAD, BUT NOW HE LOOKS OLD. JUST THOUGHT I’D COMMENT THE SAME WAY AS MEN COMMENT ABOUT AGING ACTRESSES ON EVERY COMMENT SECTION ON THE INTERNET. FEEL THE FEMALE GAZE.

“what is pill? who are drugs?”

ANN PERKINS

Kim Kardashian said North West’s birth was “the most painful experience” of her life.

I’m still holding out for this to happen again.

As someone who is still recovering from a good cry this morning about getting my period (after trying 7 months to get pregnant, and I was so sure abot this time!) if someone asked me to strap on a belly I would simultaneously ugly cry and punch them in the face. Sorry to be self-centered. Just feeling very shitty…

I had a “pregnant birthday” in that I was pregnant and was was my birthday. Guess what happens when you’re pregnant on your birthday? You are the designated driver. Yep, everyone else gets drunk. You sip water and long for bed. Good times.

What’s wrong with Jonathan Safran Foer anyway?

I’m sorry, but you’ve misidentified this person. That’s actually Dave Rygalski, aka The Only Good Boyfriend on Gilmore Girls.

"Moaning quietly into a napkin about clocks?"

YOU DO NOT DISRUPT ALAN CUMMING, OK?