I used to like monkeys. I thought they were cute. Then I listened to an episode of Radiolab and they talked about monkeys hunting other monkeys, snatching baby monkeys and ripping them apart and eating them alive. Now monkeys make me nervous.

I definitely should have realized that, what with all the Intervention I watch. No wonder all those enablers are always like "Oh... yeah... I guess..."

I have a close friend who was going through a rough time. She lived in SF and was having enough money problems before she lost both her part time jobs. She decided to sublet her apartment and visit friends and family across the country for a month while searching for new jobs. She asked if she could crash on my…

I don't think the problem is that the men in rom-coms change, it's why they change. And frankly, changing so dramatically due to the love of Meg Ryan it out is lazy, cliched storytelling.

I literally felt a flush of joy reading your comment. Please don't bother to find out, the world needs more people like you.

"Not Ernesto," Angelina was heard crying in her megamansion. Fiance Brad Pitt and adoring children were unable to console her. "Someone get me a cheeseburger, I now truly understand how awful my body is. I never meant to hurt Ernesto this way."

Don't tell Reince he's the dragonborn, it'll totally go to his head.

Planned Pupation?

But... that would mean I'd have to abstain. "Cowgirl? Dark chocolate? I abstain!" is not something I ever imagined myself saying. How terribly jarring

Egads, I was obsessed with Hatchet. I had big plans to run away and live in the woods.

G) Profit.

FREE GOVERNMENT MONEY!

DOWN WITH JOKES

Augh! Newsies AND SYTYCD? I might be dead

I love any opportunity to show off these mad copy&paste skillz!

Medical science!

But - but - but I thought they had to hold the vagina open big enough that the doctor could shove his way in up to his waist and then garrote the preborn child with his medical wire! Have I been misled?

But a director's job isn't to edit scripts. That's the playwright's job. It's right there at the top of the Dramatists Guild Bill of Rights: "No one (e.g., directors, actors, dramaturgs) can make changes, alterations, and/or omissions to your script - including the text, title, and stage directions - without your…

Ohhhh that was me. And you should've seen the size of my pants!

To copy & paste from this very article: