NOOOOOOOOOO NIXON WHYYYYYYYYYY

I am going to go sign up for this right now.

I've read Oryx and Crake, but I'm on the fence about whether to dive into The Year of the Flood due to some mixed reviews from friends. You recommend it?

When are we planning to have this mass Matt Damon marriage? I hope we'll all be very happy with him.

It's not even that difficult anymore. I just took it the other day. One pill. Just one. If a teenager can't figure out how to take ONE PILL, that kid has some other problems that a pregnancy certainly won't help.

Heartbacks, mon ami, and a raised a glass to everyone's favorite sniper!

I was completely in love with Balthazar Getty, but none of my friends knew who he was. I was sooo underground, man. But that worked for me — the less competition the better. Those same friends called Hansons before I had a shot at it, so I had to settle for Ike. Although it seems he's turned out the best, so I win?

Ahhhh Garrus, light of my life!

Or that the hijackers on 9/11 were really just concerned about urban planning.

Skivvies.

Would that mean that you'd call a peen a wizard arm? (Now I'm just picturing a wizened wizard hand at the end of an erect penis, which is... something.)

The cheerleaders in my school weren't popular - they were all girls with a sad aura of desperation who joined cheer in order to gain popularity, only to find out that the "Rhythm Squad" is where it's at. Dag!

I love comments that deepen my understanding of an issue by providing evidence from the commenter's personal life experiences! Please go on.

Except when it's garbage day, the thought process always ends with "I'm just going to say I did." Even though I know I didn't - no way am I getting out of bed.

If only they had this illuminating evidence during the trial!

Sounds to me like staring at your sensible shoes and thinking hard about not getting hard would be a pretty good way of developing a fetish. Has anyone put together a handy brochure of chemical castration references for any men not strong enough to control their own damn impulses like a reasonable human being would?

But then they could still see the women, which would give them some really ungodly boners, which is what they were trying to avoid in the first place.

I would like to apply to be the fourth, please, where should I send my resume?

Kansas City, Missouri. Good work, country, very creative.

Agreed. Especially considering "Freinded"