Sourry, but nobody is buying because they all already have the latest model!

Now for something that might actually piss you off... I am from Kansas City and live in Cleveland. Does Canada even baseball???

We are power-bottoms, you syrup-eating, hockey-loving moose-herders!!

Your mom seems to think so.

On the sideline, Ben Roethlisberger looked up, suddenly overcome with a strong sense of déjà vu.

Where is your and the authors safe space from behind the back passes?

“What’s the problem? I was told to stand here, and wear this hat and jack..... oh shit.”

I agree. The Great Maple Syrup Heist of ‘13 was quite appalling.

I was wondering the same thing. They looked like they were going after him as he skated away but after the whistle they just let him go. Way to stick up for your goalie.

“Should’ve just used my set.”
-Jim Tomsula

“Can you hear me now?”

Northcutt: [rips apple in half]

“And so well spoken!”

“Call 1-800-SURPRISE-IT’S-ME-MOTHERFUCKER”

Such a ridiculous double standard when it comes to catching your spouse masturbating. The few times I’ve caught my wife or found out about it later I’m like “Hey now, that’s hot...want some company?” But whenever she catches me it’s all “Gross! What’s wrong with you? At least wait until the funeral is over!”

There should be an app. Like Uber, except you get a person to come pick up your opinions instead of you. Ya know, to put a friendly relatable face on the knowledge bomb. 

Well thanks for calling me out and embarrassing me; I use bing. You happy now?

As opposed to the usual super chill gang rape trials

“I’ve paid my dues, I deserve this. No one will notice.” - Chris Hassel dropping acid the morning of his Goal Line debut.