You really don’t realize that the “somebody” instead of “Jenner” WAS the joke?

PRIVATE JET ALL THE WAY. I travel so much and oh my gosh how amazing to be able to bypass all the airport bullshit and squeezing 500 people onto a plane and instead fly in luxury.

Wait a second, there’s no fucking monorail?

I adore my Spanx, I find them comfortable for up to 10 hours, and I’m not ashamed of being fat. I like to look smooth, keep my dresses from clinging, and protect my privacy. That’s all. When did Spanx become anti-feminist? I LOVE mine and I don't think my feminist membership card is in jeopardy because if it.

I get what you’re saying.

Gonna be totally honest: I completely disagree with headscarves and the ideals they are supposed to represent for women. Yes I do find them harmful.

Was that when he was “Easy Reader” on “Electric Company”?

my only issue is that if I buy you a nice pot-right-and it happens to be deeply discounted you never have to know I only spent twenty bucks. If I give you cash to your face, you'll know how cheap I am for you.

I will never understand the deep parsing of motivations that takes place when a politician does something obviously good. Look, people who were declared saints had a portion of selfishness in doing whatever they did. Fucking Jesus hesitated for a second before "dying" for 36 hours to "save" us all. There's a grain, or…

In theory. Then there's also the fact that a lot of these women are die hard natural birth fanatics who do everything they can to make the pregnant woman wary and skeptical of doctors. Take my best friend's sister, she ended up with a long, messy, fucking horrible "natural" birth because her doula basically…

Man, I really want to like Mayim Bialik, but she makes it so damn hard.

Fantasy me: How you doin', silver fox.

Sounds like Power Station (Robert Palmer + 2/5 Duran Duran + the drummer from Chic)

I'd adore seeing the CPS rationale, but VBAC can be substantially more dangerous than you're giving it credit for, and fucking with safety during childbirth is something I'd leave to devoted homebirthers who're too often surprised to find that good vibes can actually end in maternal and child disability and death. If…

Have you never watched a congressional hearing before? From both sides of the aisle, if they ain't grandstanding, they ain't there.

It's Gwyneth Paltrow, whom Jez never loses an opportunity to make fun of.

As a lifetime northern midwesterner who speaks like Bobby's mom (no matter how hard I've tried to rid myself of my completely unsexy accent) I love the quiet insults in her Olive Garden and Ruby Tuesday review. It's kind of like when my grandmother says "Oh, how different." or "How neat!" she's not really…

I used to fly a ton for business, and the anti-first class or biz class rhetoric falls on empty ears here.

I loved it too! Way better than Bridesmaids, in my opinion.

I FUCKING LOVED MY SPIROGRAPH.