Wildly funny the way that splinter commenters absolutely cannot wrap their minds around the fact that trump not only fucks, but has actually fucked some attractive women. You all have been broken by this man in such a hilarious way that you can’t read any story about him without immediately thinking about his sex…

Opening with a quote from family guy is not hacky at all and definitely didn’t keep me from reading the rest of whatever this is.

Lighten up, Francis. 

“Frankie Montas (who looked like an ace before getting popped for PEDs)”

Looking forward to the jezebel article telling us how the only reason a cop is doing time at all for shooting an unarmed black man is because the cop is a woman.

The weirdest part, actually, is that nobody is content to mind their own business when a person insists on keeping their personal life to themselves. 

If it gives you peace of mind to construct elaborate justifications for Trump’s actions, have fun - but know that it’s not necessary. 

Again, he didn’t lose - and to give him credit for being able to process the election with any further nuance than that is a mistake on your part. 

Dad? Is that you? Log off of Facebook and come join us for dinner.

I have never been more sure of anything in my life as I am that he pronounces it “coop.”

Sure there is! Many of them refuse to listen, and almost none of them are able to read. 

Except he DID win, because the popular vote still doesn’t mean a fucking thing. 

Please, please stop thinking that alliterative trump nicknames are clever. They’re not. 

It sounds better when you decide on just one closing line. 

Those aren’t the best seats, they’re just the most expensive. 

Listen: if you’re at a baseball game and not paying attention to where the ball is, you are not innocent.

You could always, you know, pay attention to the fucking game! It’s not that difficult— and, after all, that’s what you’re paying for.

Mike pence will not be president, because Donald trump is not going anywhere. 

So is one person dribbling for 18 seconds. James harden is definitely boring. 

Please elaborate.