Leno then told some Bill and Monica jokes, because that’s how you keep humor fresh.

Eh, I’d rather the Dolphins continue trolling the league over something that happened when Nixon was president than for the Patriots to become the new team that gets to hold that over everyone.

With a Floridian, I believe the standard for impressiveness is whether they can avoid shooting an unarmed kid and claiming self-defense.

Hell, they’d be high-fiving each other and spooging their shorts.

Inuit and Aleut, next to which Russian is easy and accessible to all.

Holding my shit (or piss). When I gotta go, I gotta go, goddammit.

Please, Chargers, for the love of all that’s good and beautiful, stay in San Diego.

Yeah, but at least Rivers can play the damn game (more or less).

They should just call their crib Odd Couple Stadium.

Raiders, too: I’m pretty sure most people here in LA wish both teams would fuck the hell off.

Didn’t the Chargers win an AFL championship in like 1963? It was against the Patriots, so isn’t that at least retroactively cool?

“Preach.” — Oedipus

As a Seahawks fan let me just say:

My beverage of choice!

At least, the QB shouldn’t be a total petaQ.

“$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ makes stuff easier?”

Well, he’s probably in the top 5, I’ll give you that. But consider:

“Dear Mom & Dad,

Well, now I have seen everything: The word ‘dummy’ is repeatedly used in an article about a soccer player, and it doesn’t once refer to Billy Haisley.

And yet, give him a shave and a haircut, and he looks just like Gov. Brownshirt.