Basically anything they don’t agree with is all of those things at once.

Thank you. I think those of us who haven’t been bribed by FIFA have a legitimate case for a lawsuit of our own. Where the hell is our share, dammit?

Wait, #10 million for one game that has about a 99.9% chance of being completely forgettable? P. T. Barnum has to be thinking he was born too soon.

Looks like you called it.

When the Final Four is awarded to Qatar?

Or Whoopi Goldberg.

Why do you think we guys are always buying duct tape?

Oh, people are always taking comparisons the wrong way. Like the time I compared my boss to Kim Jong Il; I just meant they were both movie buffs. Sheesh.

“Cam Newton: He’s worth this much money because he’s not actively horrible.”

Yeah, but it was pretty douche baggy of the fan to go and be a douche bag even to someone well-known for his douche baggitude.

It’s the NFL: At least he didn’t punch a woman out cold in an elevator.

Tapping the Herbert Kornfeld Memorial Letta Opener of Death for emphasis, Warner added that he was proud of his status as Jeanketeer-in-Chief.

Bummer about the result. I have no love for Orange County, but the notion of a Stanley Cup final between Anaheim and Tampa Bay is hilarious.

“Something something Bill Clinton”, also too.

“If you want to join us, you have to really hate the Duggars”.

It’s that other 10% (which is at least 9.999% higher than for your average Foxbot) that keeps people on their toes: Every so often, just to change things up, she’ll act like a sane, reasonably person. Then she’ll go back to swilling the kool-aid. I hope she gives the Duggars a moment or two of lucidity.

Oh, right; Billy Haisley wrote this.

So he’s trying to achieve a frothy mix of a balancing act.

If it were your normal, run-of-the-mill sports corruption I’d say probably the Justice Department has better things to do. But this is blatant, cartoon supervillain corruption with vulnerable people getting enslaved and killed and no one lifting a finger to stop it. And, where the US Justice Department comes in, an…

Straight outta Texas Calgary crazy motherf*cker named Teddy