I watched the whole first season but had to stop watching the second season because my own affair had just ended and the things they got right they got *so* right that it was too close to home.

Triple Tie, all different people:

I wish I could give this 1,000 stars.

I agree with this for the most part but I’m curious which episode/character you feel was sex worker supportive. Was it the pro-BDSM scene with Jiz Lee? I loved that scene, too, because Jiz Lee is insanely hot but wouldn’t say it was particularly sex work positive.

To clarify: the man in the links is not the man I’m referring to as the person who abused me. They are two separate people. I don’t consider what happened in that scene to be abuse, just scary boundary violation that left me feeling gross. The “kink hotshot”is someone I’ve written about here before and who hasn’t been…

I did a BDSM scene with the man mentioned in your links, and I 100% believe her (although I believe any woman who speaks out; it’s a very scary position to be in). While he did not rape me, he did not maintain my boundaries in the slightest and I had to kick him out of where we were playing. And I thought, as we all…

Or you’ve internalized the messages that only men in alleys will rape you or that only sober, non-sexualized women get raped. Or you hear in your head the bullshit ways people like men on this site tear down assault survivors stories “you just had hurt feelings”, “you asked for it by being kinky”, “whores like you…

Yessss. Yes.

Please tell me that Tom Collicchio is a delight in person. He is such a dreamboat!

People seem to have a deep interest in “not getting involved” in all manner of things either because they want to pretend they aren’t seeing it or they’re lazy or they don’t want to be “uncool”.

I wish I could give you a basket of cookies (or the vice of your choice) for this comment. So perfect.

Um....what makes you think sex workers don’t pay taxes? Plenty of us do, thanks. Some don’t but there are also plenty of bartenders, servers, nannies, assistants and freelancers of all stripes who skip out on their taxes as well.

This. I think people also don’t want to have to do the hard work of ending a friendship over something that didn’t happen to them. Plenty of people don’t give a shit what their “friends” do as long as it isn’t being done to them, and claim not ending their association with that person is being middle ground/not…

Agree 1000%. I won’t have anything to do, dating/play wise, with people who are super involved in the “community” anymore.

I am so sorry that you’re going through this. I’d say that if you think you have PTSD then keep telling therapists that until you find one who says “Ok, let’s work on that” instead of saying you don’t (but that is very easy to say as an insured person who lives in a big city with lots of therapist options). You know…

Have you read The Gift of Fear? It’s been really helpful to me in sorting through nice seeming dudes and seeing major red flags. Note: not useful if you date someone who read it for the purpose of throwing women off his creepy scent....

Oops, that should be “well known women standing by them”. #cheesecakeinducedtypos

Yes. I can think of many “famous” men in kink who are known to have abused and/or raped women but no one ever challenges these men. They often have equally well known standing by them. One of my ex’s partners is a big shit feminist activist and he told me if I talked they would ruin my life.

Thank you. I teach a class for survivors of violence (and their partners) on how to get back into kink or get into it for the first time. Someone in my last class asked what I thought of the stigma that there's a rape/abuse issue in the community. My answer was that there *is* an issue. It's not just bad press.

As someone who was abused by a prominent member of the BDSM community and deleted my social media accounts because I couldn’t handle seeing him praised as a “feminist”, I’m awed by Stoya’s bravery. I hope she gets all the support she deserves.