So, according to this chart, cats are the cause of divorce.

I didn’t know that Hilary Clinton and Orlando Bloom had joint ownership of a penis.

You could have stopped at “who cleans their closet?” and that would have been enough of a puzzle for me.

We’ve got ennui yes we do!

Fuck it, I’mma just say “word up” and see how many of my fellow Olds still get it.

Mein Gott, the amount of time and money young women spend to look like identical pressings from the same android factory is mind-boggling...

They really look like the feeder team for Fox News anchors.

still, you gotta admit, the odds of quintuplets reaching the finals is pretty impressive.

The five all have that vaguely thirty-ish Botoxed, fillered, veneered, extensioned, and rhinoplastied look.

Ok, now watch this one:

After careful consideration, and hour long (coughthreesecondscough) deliberation, I have come to the inevitable conclusion that I’m all:

No, if an Ugg boot filled with pumpkin spice latté was granted one wish, and it was to be a real human woman, she would date this guy. As for me, I wouldn’t touch any of these guys with someone else’s pussy.

Seriously though, if one of these guys robbed you at gun point and then you had to pick them out of a lineup made up exclusively of other Bachelorette contestants the wrong guy would most definitely go to prison, right?

You can pry my dry shampoo from my cold dead lazy shower hating hands.

Hiddles may need to get on the Batphone to Affleck to find out how this ends....

Has anyone made the “I took a pee in Ibiza” joke yet?

Eating gazpacho is like having at cold watery salsa with a spoon. Hard pass.

*sigh*

Wearing Yeezy’s to the gym is some pretty solid shade, no? I didn’t think Calvin had it in him!

Same here. So disappointing