Battle Of The Waving Noodle Person Thingys Outside Of A Car Dealership

i for real owe my life to the anonymous internet person that i don’t remember who said the immortal words:

Did someone say...old Whigs?!?!?!

Fine. They’re excellently fit. Can they excellently bake bread, grow tomatoes,build a kite, recite poetry, make paper mache, play music, build a table, or any other of a hundred million endeavours that are at least as engaging and worthy of a human being’s time as working out. Nothing at all wrong with exercising to…

While I have been reading the comments on Jezebel for years, I am using my first comment I’ve ever posted to say: this is MY LOCAL and I’m well proud of it #sawf #lahndahn

Get lucky with the Game of Life!

I’m currently getting a divorce but this is my dream scenario with any potential second husband.

Lord help that new brand of Ouija boards, Seayoncé.

My sisters ambushed me with this ungodly product. They were saying Here, you go through this stack of Mom and Dad’s old books, and THERE IT WAS in an old recipe book, just coiled like a puff adder. After regaining consciousness, I had to scan it.

*Actual product.

Controversial opinions: Bananas are revolting.

Best sammich: white bread, peanut butter, grape jelly, handful of Fritos, smushed.

I’m not gonna lie: I love mayo. I’m not ashamed.

If you ever bring a banana and mayo sandwich near me, though, I’m going to throw you in a trunk with the “peas in guacamole” people and launch you all into the sun.

So if there is a hurricane and it destroys a jewelry store and I just go through the rubble and get a bunch of stuff, it’s OK because it’s a gift from Mother Nature. Duly noted.

There’s a Derek Jacobi show from the ‘90s called Cadfael. It’s about a crusader-turned-monk set in the 1100s. He’s an herbalist, too, and uses his knowledge of plants to help solve the murders that happen in every episode. It’s basically a detective series. It’s awesome.

Anyway, one episode is all about how some jerk…

Hustling Monks would be an awesome band name.

Are those blue loafer-slippers a “new” thing or a regular thing because I actually really want them

tee-hee-hee. Dark colored Jordan Almonds.

I want Cavill, Jamie Dorner and Robert Pattinson to do terrible movie together (preferably soft core erotica with paranormal elements). The press tour would be gold. Cavill would say all sorts of tone deaf things, Dorner would look sort of awkward and embarrassed and Pattinson would straight out say that he hated it.…