Bow down, bitches. Also, this photo makes me want to wear gloves.

Happy to help.

Like most people, I was an gangly teen- all pimples and limbs and braces. I had a huge, super nerd-girl crush on someone I’ll call Joe. Joe was a year older than me even though he was in the same grade, and had bit puberty sooner as a consequence, so was more man-than-boy shaped. Ravelston likied.

One look at time on…

..I burst into treats...

Before heading to an informal eighth grade dance, my friend and I went to a local coffee shop to hang out beforehand. When the shop closed, we stood outside and waited for my older brother to pick us up. It was the dead of winter so we stood on top of a heated grate on the sidewalk next to an Italian restaurant. My…

I was the ONLY friend in my circle who didn’t have a date to prom; which was fine since I had the type of girlfriends who couldn’t give less of a fuck about that sort of thing. We would all dance with each other’s dates and made it more of a communal experience.

Perhaps the best part about it was that, every four bars, we would turn to the right and do it again, meaning we performed the same fucking routine in each cardinal direction, ending up back where we started after 16 bars. We kept going in this insane clockwork square for quite awhile. I remember feeling SO fly. (We…

“ awkward boners . “

Does the impromptu performance of a choreographed dance - one that included the Roger Rabbit and the Running Man, no less - to Bobby Brown’s “Every Little Step You Take” in the middle of the dance floor count?

When my wife was bald and in chemo, I'd have given anything to have to deal with random hair around the house. When she first started chemo, it fell out in giant clumps, leaving a halo of her naturally blonde hair on her pillow and wherever she sat. Eventually, she asked me to shave her head and that was when it all…

I used to go to summer sports camp near the lodge where The Shining was filmed - like, it was visible from the windows of the cabin we would stay in. We would watch it every year, and every year someone would hide in someone else's closet, jump out and scream "Here's Johnny!" It never got old and I still can't…

"The ocean is hungry."

My current boyfriend nearly drowned in Costa Rica while honeymooning with his ex-wife. He managed to get caught in a rip tide and was barely able to swim back to shore, where he collapsed from exhaustion. I don't think the ex-wife was around when this happened; apparently the whole beach was deserted, except for a…

After planning a wedding, I did not want to plan an elaborate vacation. We booked a Caribbean cruise, where I could just roll on the boat and have a drink with an umbrella immediately placed in my hand.

My mom is a travel agent, so when my sister wanted to book a cruise for her honeymoon, she got our mom to book it so they could get the best deal possible during spring break (money was tight as my sister was going back to school).

My new husband and I stayed in a cute little cabin on the Olympic Peninsula and cooked for ourselves the whole week while exploring the rain forest and local beaches. The very last night, we decided to splurge on a nice dinner out. We got all dolled up and had a drink or two and had a lovely evening. Driving along the…

They dirtied the mirrors up on purpose (usually with soap) so they didn't over-relect studio lighting.