I’m fully convinced women like this are stamped out by a machine somewhere.

*pauses the heavy metal for a few seconds*

I am pretty convinced that anyone who is against net neutrality is either ignorant or a lackey for the telecoms.

How many times have we had to suffer through a dude who shot his load within the first three or four minutes of sex? If he had taken the time to rub one out earlier that day, he wouldn’t be on his side of the bed doing the “I don’t know what happened” routine right now.

Sounds way better than my experience.

For all its many faults, I feel a bit grateful that I was born in and grew up in the South. We may be a bunch of barely-literate hicks who generally wear our racism on our sleeves but at least we know how to be polite, say yes m’am, no sir, pardon me, etc., and not get all up in a stranger’s personal space.

Meanwhile my local talk radio hosts masturbate furiously to the idea that there must be a conspiracy within the FBI to take down Trump.

I was watching that day. That was amazing.

I’ve had a great dislike for Tucker Carlson ever since his Crossfire days, when I first developed a political consciousness watching the show with my roommate back in college. I would pay money to see Joy Reid hand him his ass in a debate.

This shit has been around for over half a decade and they’re just getting rid of it now?

I ain’t exactly drowning in pussy atm but I am pretty sure I could not do this. I don’t want to know if I could. I find the very idea of sex with a doll disturbing.

Pence is more like chemically treated room-temperature tap water.

just wanted to drop in to say “fuck the Patriots”

That’s from “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” by Alvin Schwartz. Illustrations by Stephen Gammell, which haunt the deepest nightmares of every American 80s and 90s kid.

i didn’t say it was DY-NO-MITE

We need an Imaro adaptation.

That was dynamite.