I didn’t see The Danish Girl, but I’m just going to pretend that Alicia actually won for Ex-Machina.

My mom asked me, uncomfortably, if it was true that Donald Trump was running for president because she'd been under the impression, until Tuesday this week, that it was an elaborate satirical sketch.

The slash literally no one wanted.

“What kind of things do you like me to do with you body?” Jeb said as I looked over the contract. “Do you like it when I keep it from healthcare?” Oh my. My inner goddess screams YES but I blush.

If i wasn’t act work I would post the video of the Chris Rock bit about bullets being $1,000 each and how that would reduce drive by shootings.

I support the right to bare arms! CHECK OUT THESE GUNS, BABY.

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

So, having children should only be a luxury afforded to the affluent?

I’m not even a person.

Ha! You caught me. None of us are even literate.

During a JOB INTERVIEW.

Let’s be fair here. I studied archaeology in school and have worked on several digs, so I am coming from a place of some knowledge. And I’m afraid that I have to agree that having an all-female team *had* to have been a publicity stunt of some sort, and does in fact lead to some questions about the validity of their…

She may have been born white, but in her heart she will always be Hawaiian Tropic #3a Medium/Dark.

My favorite single from her album, 1589, is definitely Welcome to New Yorick. Shake it Out, Damned Spot takes a close second.

you know how boys start whacking it around 10-11? girls gotta start whacking it earlier too (cause isn’t like the average age when women start masturbating like early 20s?).

Obligatory

Jesus kid get your nudes from the internet like the rest of us.

I’ve been eventually dumped or rejected or made to feel like shit in some capacity by almost every dude I’ve ever fucked or wanted to fuck and yet somehow I’ve managed to never mass murder

No shit?!? I once had a long distance relationship after I got someone else’s telegram while on a I was changing trains. The telegraph operator keyed it in wrong in Virgina as I was heading out to the Spanish controlled California territories and just as I got over the Mississippi there was a message for Miss.…