BEST.

Does writing a Kardashian-free Dirt Bag mean that you’re the worst at Jezebel blogging... or the best?

“My friend’s nutritionist”

tequila! my friend’s nutritionist told her that’s the best one calorie wise. yes it sounds dubious but just roll with it

We do now.

Drink so much that you puke up ur dinner!!! No but seriously just diet mixers

i still don’t know

Could you please help all of us Deadspin commenters learn how to talk to girls? Most of us are pushing 40, it’s time to give it a try.

So did y'all learn enough about male wiping techniques?

I’ve never appreciated Magary more. I’m sorry for making fun of your shirt, Drew, just don’t leave us with these monsters.

Banned.

That would be my ASSumption. (sorry)

Standing would seem illogical. Doesn’t that shut the poop hole up?

Human McRib is probably the best descriptor of Johnny Manziel I’ve heard yet and I plan on using it to death

Since we’re on Deadspin: “+1"

This is so much fun. Thanks for doing this.

Bobby, you're the real mvp.