This is good advice. But it is hard to follow. Especially since I love drinks 3 and 4 most of all.

What the hell does one person DO in a house that huge? There must have to be "Directories" all over that say "You Are Here."

He was so much prettier than her it’s not even funny!

I once lifted up my mattress to adjust the fitted sheet. On the bed frame below I found a soft but not decaying jalapeno. My SO denied putting it there, and no way I would bring fresh produce into the bedroom, much less waste a jalapeno by tucking it under my bed. Am I the Princess and the jalapeno?! Did a witch put…

*Jordan Catalano

This needs more tsars. +1

He shouldn’t be Russian into anything.

Maybe Tarabasov won’t be so Egor to have a relationship with Lohan now.

I finally talked my parents into reversing their adoption of my daughter. They coerced me into signing away my rights and letting them adopt her while I was in active addiction. I’ve been sober almost four years and had just resigned myself to never getting her back. I still feel like I’m dreaming. I can’t believe it.…

I broke my sales record at work today and broke requests records all in one day! I'm about to have the highest paycheck of my life.

I started Weight Watchers in October, and made my goal of losing 40lbs!

I am down 23 pounds and today I bought a pair of jeans that are 1 size smaller than I was wearing when I started losing weight.

I took the GRE and I didn't totally blow it! I won't have my full score for another two weeks, but I did it!

I had a second interview on Thursday that I think went really well, but I forgot to take my fitbit off, which seems like a breech of professionalism to me, but I could be over thinking it.

“Just stay up there, spider.”

#TeamDONOTCARE I would climb him like a tree, bad tattoos or no.

Rust was a brilliant character, and he was the perfect person to play him. But this is my favorite McConaughey, still:

the moment where I didn’t realize there was a black man cropped out of this picture and thought it was the hand of Jennifer Garner will surely be the best part of my day today.