I was getting 660s on the verbal part of the SAT without reading the selections, just by knowing test-taking skills.

I FIND IT OFFENSIVE AS WELL, I MEAN COME ON- WAKE FOREST???

The amounts at issue were too small for the “donation” track. That costs millions and millions of dollars. Like how Jared Kushner got in to Harvard. These people were only giving up tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. They aren’t building a new dorm or lab or whatever in an expensive coastal city with that kind…

2.) An Ivy League degree listed on a resume might get an interview faster than other institutions, but the interview itself will quickly put the lie to the idea that the applicant was a star student (assuming they weren’t, of course).

Their children are very, very stupid.

I’m one of those people with an ability to take standardized tests and do really, really well, but they’re not nearly as easy as you portray. Kids of decent intelligence and good early academic opportunity can sincerely apply themselves, get the most expensive prep courses and tutors, take practice tests for years—and…

Rich people paying bribes to fudge their children’s athletic accomplishments
in order to get in to the best colleges is the most American fucking thing ever.

But affirmative action is the real problem, amirite?

THIS. LOOKS. LIKE. A. FUCKING. BLAST.
Take this shit world-wide!

Jesus.

Alex Rodriguez marrying JLo quite possibly completes the greatest personal brand comeback story we’ve ever seen.

I love his reaction, “ah, fuckin kangaroos,” like it’s just an annoying bee or something not a super strong mammal that can seriously mess you up.

Australia, the Florida of the world. Always trying to kill you.

Ed: “Rapey.” I meant “rapey.”

They also removed their Google+ post.

Between Barstool getting slapped and Nick Foles becoming a Jaguar it’s been an interesting week for three-legged sports figures.

Sort of like a motorcycle or bike moving at a decent clip: based on the physics alone it wants to stay upright and keep cruising, it’s usually user error that results in a crash.

Having grown up in Appalachia, I am going to tell you that you are dead wrong. 

Poke in the Eye: yellow card.
Sock in the Guts: red card.

Kid Gorgeous is definitely one of the best stand-up specials I have ever seen, so I can agree with this assessment.