Having fun every weekend in your 20s is way better than doing it in your 40s.

Jerry gave us the 50 yard scoreboard which is now in every new sports arena and made us all buy a minimum 55 inch tv because of it.

Applesauce through a straw is crazy people shit.

The best age to have a kid is when you are emotionally and financially ready and have a loving an supportive partner and family to help out, when the world is a safe and nurturing environment in which to raise them, and when they have a bright future ahead of them, full of wealth and opportunity.

what are you gonna do, not skip out on the Knicks game to be with your family?

Two people, THANK YOU.

Clearly, bird law is in effect here. It’s in the skies, where bird law is king.

I think you misunderstand the joke. He’s saying he can’t tell the Taco Bell people that he needs the day off of work to be with his family, because his co-workers are also his family members.

His biggest mistake is assuming maritime law dictated behavior on airplanes. For example, any sort of chanting is considered a legal argument on the seas.

He’s rich enough to have a rep speak for him but not willing to pay an extra $50 for the extended leg room? I wonder if he was so thrifty when he could expense his flights.

Every girl I date uses those same lines.

I’m not going to work tomorrow. I need to be with a beer.

“Welcome to Deadspin, where sports are Bad(!) and everything is a political conversation.”

“It doesn’t require that much of a stretch to attribute the forthcoming four years (at least) of the Trump administration to the previous 18 years of a ridiculous and ineffectual war on drugs in sports.”

People still write dissertations on Weimar Germany. Get used to it.

If nobody had ever invented bicycles, Trump never would have won. Thanks a lot, dicks.

Russia didn’t sway the election, no matter how much they interfered. That may have reassured dyed-in-the-wool voters, but these were two terrible candidates with firmly entrenched bases. What won it for Trump was swing voters in Rust Belt states; they voted for him because they believed — supported by no evidence…

THERE WERE NO BUTTERFLIES AT MY SUNDAY PICNIC AND THIS MAY HAVE HELPED ELECT DONALD TRUMP: MY COLUMN