Get you some of that traction control.

I used to enjoy the “jacked up” highlight segment on MNF, not because I liked the Berman-esque phrase as much as I enjoyed laughing at players stumble off the field.

Date and fuck whoever you want, just keep your hands off kids.

Thank god he thought better of it.

no longer devouring eight slices of pizza in one meal

Blerg. Just had the two words backwards. It’s been fixed. Thank you for the catch! 

Serves them right - how ridiculous that anyone needs to be spewing crap like that into the air.

Nothing of value was lost that day

Addiction is pernicious. I have lost several people to it. Others I know have spent their lives in recovery from it.

I don’t know about that. He would have been in much hotter water today from the Jeff Garcia gay thing than he was then.

whoo buddy I’m going to see you in hell 

Agree 100%. Do you know how many starving Chinese kids those two good dogs would feed???

Oh, he’ll be provided with a new family in Arizona. That’s how these things are done.

I think you meant to say “liberals will most certainly feel saddened by this due to their ability to empathize.”

Who paid to sit in first class and who got a free upgrade.

I spent my teenage years masturbating while watching darts on ESPN2. My time efficiency was off the charts.

This. Thank you. You are absolutely correct. 

This women is just so disingenuous, first she accuses “a mildly successful podcaster to a powerhouse CEO of his own company.”) like everybody wouldn’t figure out is was chris hardwick, c’mon. Then she was like I have evidence of abuse but I’m not going to release it and I’m taking a break from social media cause I…

This whole quote is unbelievable “play the right way” bullshit:

Honestly though, after 70+ years of never dealing with the consequences of all the terrible, evil shit he’s done I doubt he’s worried about anything.