I think it’s adorable that you don’t see how this is a classic false flag (false fan?) operation. This is an “Astros” “fan”, but he’s in Colorado. Who is seated to his left? Colorado fans. To his right? Colorado fans. And lo and behold, who’s that directly in front of him? Crisis actor Gerardo Parra. Parra obviously…

People are really taking their Fortnite cosplay to the next level

I think rom-coms are going to have a tough time being “great again” until contemporary dating culture changes.

This is like going to a circle jerk to prove you’re good at masturbating. 

Giving 12 B dollars of government money to a bunch of people sounds a little like socialism that the Republicans like to hate to me

I like your style. I also resorted to using San Pellegrino grapefruit soda and it works really well; SLIGHTLY more bitter than the Squirt.

It’s gonna take a lot more than that to offset the evil in his blood, bye!

Uber driver here. If passengers behaved appropriately during rides, they should have no issue being recorded. After all, there are windows all over the car. There should be no expectation of privacy in somebody else’s car. I have a dashcam that is prominently mounted on my windshield with a blinking red light and a…

The good news is that Sarah’s now qualified for so many other jobs that require a straight face, like...

Putting the D in UI. 

The flames were put out by local residents, who threw gravy and cheese curds on the French fires.

“yes or know”?

Does rust just follow you around?

Probably just the ghost of an unvaccinated child.

She’s the Rick James of the WH.

He’s hypermiling. 

Ninety gaffes in ninety years? He’s an amateur compared to the racist orange santorum-covered abomination, who can top that in a week.

Imagine being an adult and being mad that you didn’t get an Ezekiel Elliot autograph at a fantasy football convention.

Emery was a mad man out on the ice. He once dropped the gloves with former NHL enforcer Josh Gratton at the end of an AHL game he had just won and then proceeded to celebrate with his teammates in one of the all time greatest displays of the majesty of minor league hockey.

“Man, it had some teeth not that long ago.”