Could be worse. Could be Sam Biddle writing about literally anything.

Due to his ability to distract Oregon State shooters, Michael Phelps has been recruited by the FBI to Malheur National Wildlife Refuge.

Kids are cute, puppies are awesome, hockey players scoring goals is super...yet the inevitability of this gimmick being buried into the ground already annoys me. So I hope and expect you, the Deadspin hockey beat, will also post every time a kid holding a goal-for-puppy sign is forced to leave a game disappointed and…

$2490 for the $249 alternator

When you bought that Spitfire you invested on enriching your life. Sounds like it paid off rather well.

I think some would be seriously disappointed if the sailors were simply picked up and returned unharmed, without incident.

You realize that your thinking is founded completely on supposition, right? Until you can honestly write this whole thing out without the words “if,” “highly doubt,” “likely,” and “might as well,”you’re just blowing smoke out of your ass.

So let me get this straight an American boat breaks down beside and Iranian island (break down/spying same difference) and Iran assists. Iran is somehow the aggressor for assisting a foreign boat in its own waters off its own island.The mind truly boggles to even see the “aggression”

If there is one thing, one thing only Top Gun has taught us...it’s that you NEVER leave your wingman.

After all the stories about Jerry pushing the team to draft Manziel, Johnny Football should be the go-to argument for when some underling wants to tell Jerry to shut the fuck up and let them run the team.

You could find out your dad has another family in Green Bay that thinks he is a life long Packers fan.

To be fair, I never had an issue with the organization, only with a person inside it. The Vikings treated me quite well for the majority of my career there.

That’s the kind of run-and-gun basketball that pops to mind when I think of the Big 10.

I had a Remington Rand 1911A1. Now if you could get a Singer sewing machine one you’d be rich. How about a Rock Oka jukebox M1 carbine?

“The issue with me is that all the cold, calculated statistics that serve an entire population of Internet bench racers means jack shit to me, and- at the risk of sounding condescending to the stat queens out there - I’m not sure it really means that much to anyone else”

Really good call from the commander of the Truman on this one. Although the rocket landed less than a mile away, hotter heads have, in the past, led to awful decisions.

Never let it be said again that Tavarish doesn’t put his money where his mouth is. Good luck man, this makes Wheeler Dealers look like a cakewalk.

It’s ride-sharing Florida style. FloridUber, if you will.

It’s ok. He’ll be home by Christmas morning. Wonder whose stolen bike will be under the tree for him this year.

The same fan threatened to blow up US Bank Stadium if the Vikings signed Robert Turbin.